It's been awhile since I've updated. This is mostly because I haven't had a clue regarding what to write about. I have been dealing with a personal issue, but the relevant parties to this issue have asked me not to write about it in this blog, so I will respect that. Instead, I'm going to write about the future, in a few different respects:
Social: From a transition standpoint, things are still reasonably smooth. I have plans for the next two weekends that will involve going out (a concert next week and a party the week after that), so with my "work" and "hanging out with friends" wardrobes sorted I've now started trying to figure out a "going out" wardrobe. It's funny how much I thought I would be wearing heels and skirts on a regular basis before I transitioned, only to find out that heels can hurt and skirts can be freezing. Who knew? I'm slowly making progress on things like that. I've started using scary things like eyeliner and a curling iron, and I haven't poked my eye out or burned my hair off yet, which is encouraging.
In general, I'm finding it very rewarding to be out and about around people. Since I spent my whole life dreading the eventual rejection that I assumed would follow coming out, it's pretty overwhelming to instead find acceptance. Even people who originally flat-out had problem with my transition are now coming around, which is a pretty great feeling. To this day, I'm convinced that a lot of the objections people have to transsexuals come from a combination of ignorance (never meeting a transperson) and bad information ("Next time on Jerry Springer..."), and these peoples minds tend to change once they meet me and learn a bit more about what transsexuality is.
Work/Career: The other day, I had an epiphany. I work in desktop support for two reasons: I enjoy helping people, and I am relatively good at troubleshooting computers. Helping people and the sense of accomplishment that comes with doing so has always been my primary motivation to come to work. This, more than salary or love of technology, is the reason that I'm still there 2.5 years after I started - this is now the longest I have ever held down a job. The one problem that I've faced for awhile, though, is that I don't really have any desire to go down any of the career paths that desktop support people usually take. I don't have the concentration or patience to be a applications analyst, I don't have the personality or desire to be a network/systems administrator, and management roles seem like an absolute nightmare to me. I have maintained for a long time that I would be happy doing desktop support for a long time to come, and this is certainly true, but it would be nice to have something that I'm shooting for long-term.
What I realized is that it's the people aspect of my job that I really care about. I can fix computers reasonably easily (mostly because I have a decent understanding of technology, and have a good knowledge base), but...big deal. It's something that I have a skill for, but it's not really my passion, so to speak. People will sometimes ask if I do computer work on the side, and my answer is largely no, only because as time goes on I'm quite aware of the possibility that I might burn out on it all.
What I really want to do is help people with their problems with other people. Every day, I hear from people who can't work with their bosses, or bosses who don't like working with their teams. I see people who feel overworked and underappreciated, or feel like they're going nowhere, or are too stressed by their outside lives to care about their work. I see teams who spend more time infighting then they do working productively. Heck, months or even weeks ago, I was one of them! I know what it's like to get caught up in negativity, and I feel like I've developed a better understanding of this kind of thing over the last few weeks - I think I can file this under "maturing".
I think that people tell this stuff to me because I like listening and trying to help, and I always do what I can, but sometimes I wish I was actually trained and certified in this sort of thing. I think that most of the stress that comes from coworkers stems from a lack of ability/willingness to communicate clearly with others, and this just so happens to be something that I consider myself really good at.
We have a consultant at my job who occasionally comes in to facilitate meetings like this. We have learned about the Meyers-Briggs Type Indicator (something that most people know I'm hugely into) and the Thomas Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument, both tools that can increasingly used in corporate environments to foster effective communication. I absolutely loved both of these seminars, and have found myself reading and educating myself on these tools outside of work because I think they're incredibly useful. Simply reading about this stuff doesn't seem like enough, though.
Last week I pulled the consultant aside and interviewed her briefly about her job. She told me that she got into what she does because she truly had/has a passion for helping people. She enjoys the fact that each day will bring new challenges, and that there is a huge sense of not knowing what the new day will bring. There is a huge feeling of accomplishment when you go in and know that you're engaging people, and possibly helping them find a new happiness in a stagnant work life. This is all stuff that was parallel to what I was thinking, which I found to be really encouraging. It's the first career sort of job that I have actually be interested in getting into, which is something I'm not going to ignore.
I have some more interviews to conduct. I have classes (or even colleges?) to look into. There is still plenty of work that I would have to do before I'd even have a chance at a career switch, but at least I've finally identified that it's something I might want for my future. I'd say the biggest challenge I would have is the fact that I already really like and am reasonably good at my current job :)
Surgery: Right now, the idea of finding a doctor, figuring out the price, figuring out the dates, figuring out the exact procedure...it all seems like a lot right now. Still. I feel like I say that a lot, and I haven't yet taken any initiative in that regard. Still, September 1st (the one-year anniversary of my going full-time) is approaching, and I would really like to be able to close the door on being "in transition" once and for all.
This turned into quite the long post! Until next time, all..
I ended up snapping out of it. Of course. :)
I need to get in a good mood again.
