3 posts tagged “facebook”
A while ago, I registered a Facebook. It was there for two purposes: to keep in touch with my friends, and to have a repository for pictures of me as female. Unfortunately, do to weirdness/esteem issues/me-being-stupid, I went through this phase where, for some reason, the thought of trying to win acceptance as female (to a bunch of people that I'm already out to, no less) was freaking me out. I created it and added a sparse few people, but hadn't really done anything with it. I had convinced myself that there wasn't any reason to invest any time into it.
Of course, that flimsy rationalization was burst when Joel/Amy/Jesse introduced me to Scrabulous. You can play Scrabble! Over Facebook! That was good enough for me - I checked the front page of "people that I probably know based on people we both know" and added a couple more people. I'm going to update with pictures roughly every two months of hormones for my own personal records, guys so that I have a timeline I/others can look back on. That should be coming soon. If people are interesting in adding me to Facebook, reply or send an email or something. I'm still keeping it hidden/private (meaning I won't come up on a search) because I don't want my job stumbling upon it, but I'm happy with adding anyone that wants to be added.
In the past few days, I've been getting over the esteem problems and finally saying "it's time to start making progress again". I went out dressed after a therapy appointment on Tuesday night, doing some shopping/eating out and just trying to do 'normal' things. Even though I started out a bit nervous, I was able to ease in and get comfortable pretty quickly. I went to Kohl's - it's a great place to acclimate to shopping for clothes alone, because it's huge and it's cheap. I'm trying to work more 'female' stuff into my schedule - Kristen showed me a flyer for a transgendered dance at Harvard tomorrow night, but I haven't really decided if I want to go (partially because I don't have any information on it and haven't really seen it on the web, partially because I feel like I would be completely lost at a dance).
For the most part I have been trying to at least keep myself a bit androgynous, because I really don't like being assoiciated as 'male' at all. It definitely seems like a natural stop along the way to actually going full-time. To be honest, I like the way I look now more than I ever have, and I'm really hopeful for what months of hormones (with a theoretically increasing dosage) will do. I think (although I honestly have no clue) that I've gotten ok at raising my vocal pitch, although it still takes a conscious effort to do so when talking.
On a 1000% unrelated note, my XBox Live gamertag is "pink tyedye" - please feel free to add me and challenge me to Lumines! Or, failing that, recommend me some games and let's play them! I think it would be neat to gather my friends and have a 'game' that we all play together (most likely a sports game, since I hate FPSes and those two genres seem to make up 75% of all XBox games), so feel free to get in contact with suggestions.
I haven't been getting nearly enough sleep this week, so goodnight!
Woohoo, I finally added some content (and some friends) to my facebook. I only added specific people, mostly people that I either see regularly or that I know are comfortable with my transgenderedness - if anyone reading this would like me to add them and I haven't, let me know.
It's funny - I lost all of the pictures on my computer when my hard drive crashed a few weeks back, so I decided I would spend tonight essentially playing "dress-up" and taking some pictures. I have always known this, but sometimes I forget: I really like trying on clothes :) I threw in some pictures of my apartment while it's still clean for good measure. And since I was cooking, cleaning, playing cards online, and watching television through the time I was changing and taking pictures, it pretty much took up my entire night.
I'll post more soon! I have a BATS meeting tomorrow from 7-9, and then I rush home, change, and go out with friends to demo out the new game Rock Band at a bar. Speaking of bars, I need to get my license replaced soon - not only is it annoying to have a license with an obviously male person on it (preventing me from obtaining alcohol while presenting female, unless it's an obviously T-friendly place), but my license expires in a month anyways.
I need to go clothes shopping soon. My primary ideas are the Garment District (where I've been shopping presenting female a few times already) or a mall. If people (likely females) are interested in shopping trips, let me know!
Oh lordy, it's 2am already. I'm cutting this short, more updates soon!
Halloween went really well. I dressed up as a hippy, met up with my friend Lisa, and we proceded to take a walk around my neighborhood to people-watch a bit. It was great! With one exception that should be stricken from the record due to intoxication/not knowing my limits, this was the first time that I really went out and did anything for Halloween. It was neat - even though my street (and apparently the street that I moved out of) were empty, there were surrounding streets that had huge groups of kids. We even managed to score a bunch of candy!
All in all, I thought it was really fun. It was the first time going out (sober) where I had absolutely no fear of being read or what people thought. Heck, I liked my costume alot. I'd go so far as to say it's one of the first times I had real self-confidence being out in public.
We took some pictures, which got me thinking. I've mentioned that I started this journal with the mindset that I don't want random pictures of me in transition surfacing long after I'm done with that part of my life. On the other hand, I don't like not sharing things with people. There are a number of friends that I see several times per month that I think have still never seen me presenting female - there is at least one that didn't even know I am transgendered until a few weeks ago. The fact is, being seen that first time is just the worst. I've had to do it time and time again, and I always find it uncomfortable.
I decided that the answer is something that I've been dreading/putting off for a long time. I went and got a Facebook. I realized that it would accomplish a few things: (a) it will allow people to get used to me presenting female, (b) it will allow me to keep my profile as secure from the outside as I'd like, (c) it serves as storage for pictures, and (d) everyone I know seems to have one! I'm going to start tonight (or tomorrow, as I'm super-tired) by adding a few friends from my AIM profile and then finding more people as I grow more comfortable with how I'm perceived. Right now, it's pretty empty other than Halloween photos anyways. As much as I swore against it, I feel like if I'm going to keep a Facebook, I want it to look good before other people start to see it.
Ugh.
In other news, not that much has been happening. I have been trying to call my endocrinologist to get my appointment moved up from January, but that has been a monumental failure. So other than that, I'm pretty much just waiting for that. I'm planning on taking some shopping trips in the near future while presenting female - if anyone would like to come, please let me know, because I do a lot better when in company.
Oh! One other thing - I've been trying to be a bit more vocal with things that bother me. A friend (and my therapist) made the assertion that I tend to sit on things that bother me and let them upset me for long periods of time rather than just confronting the issue. It's really better to resolve things quickly, and I know this, so I'm doing my best to just be honest with people. I just hope everyone remembers that I expect people to slip up/not know what to do with regards to my gender expression - as long as you (my friends and family) work with me and at least try, I'll be happy :)
That is all for tonight. I will likely start making my Facebook viewable and adding people shortly.
