3 posts tagged “transgender”
The group forums went really well. I think the combined attendance of the three meetings was somewhere between 150-200 people? After last week's session for management, I accepted the fact that there was no point in planning what I was going to say. From the feedback that I've received, that was correct - if I'm going to be talking about probably the toughest personal decision I've made to a huge crowd of my peers, I feel like it wouldn't have seemed genuine for me to be following a script. I've gotten a lot of positive feedback from the people who were there, so that's good! To be honest, now that all is said and done, I really kind of enjoyed running those sessions..
My brain works in a weird way. There is a lot of stuff out there that is common knowledge out there that I can't be bothered with. I have always been utter dead weight in a game of Trivial Pursuit, and I've come to realize that it's because I only focus my attention on topics that interest me. This is pretty much the reason that I never succeeded in a school setting - half the time I couldn't pretend to care what the professor was talking about. I try to make up for it by being knowledgable with the topics that do interest me - realizing this is what helped me find a job that I ultimately both enjoy and am (I think?) reasonably good at.
Fortunately for me, my gender issues have been at the forefront of my brain for years. While this has resulted in me being a bit oversensitive at times, it has also very well prepared to talk about it. As I have said to some co-workers, the actual public speaking part was absolutely fine, but the half-hour before each meeting was really tough. The Q&A parts were fun, but I've found that a lot of people have saved questions for private conversations after the meeting - and that's fine!
I might be good at hiding it (or I might not be), but my first day of work at female (Sept 8th) is going to likely be the most terrifying thing I'll ever do, so the more I know people are comfortable around me, the better. I'm finding that while I might lose the work relationship I had with a few people, I'm getting to know a lot of people better, which more than balances things out. I'll have spent a week living full-time female before I go in since I'm taking a vacation, so I'm hoping I'll feel immersed by then.
On a complete tangent, we found an apartment last night! I'm going in to sign for it in two hours, and barring any disasters I'll be living on a street behind the Shaw's in Packard's Corner in Allston*. It somehow managed to be nicer , larger, and yet somehow cheaper than most other places we looked at in Allston. It also comes with a parking spot, and I believe we're just going to get resident parking passes and rent the spot for $100-$150/month (which apparently is a common practice). Also, I remembered to verify that I paid a last months' rent on my current place, and I did, so it was like earning $1000+ for the next high-spending month :)
To summarize: yesterday was a good day.
*I just realized that I'll be living on "Hartley Terrace, near Packard's Corner" with a roommate who has the thickest Boston accent I've ever heard. That will be good for a year's worth of entertainment in and of itself.
Hello everyone,
Thank you for your overwhelming acceptance to attend this educational forum. As discussed in the directors’ meeting, the purpose of this forum is to educate us about our fellow transgender passengers. Denise Leclair from Transgender Tapestry will present information as well as allow time for Q&A. Additionally, the employee that is celebrating this change will be in attendance and looks forward to answering your questions.
The
objective of the meeting is that we, as leaders, leave better prepared
to assist our staff in irradiating misunderstandings, stereotypes, and
other forms of not knowing to prevent prejudices from occurring in our
workplace. Thus, not only will we learn more about transgender in
general but also what actions positively show support as members of
management. Please feel free to invite any of your managerial staff
that you feel is appropriate.
Following this session will be 2 meetings that are open to all NH employees so that they too can use this as a learning opportunity. HR is working with Marketing on communicating the dates and times for the afternoon of August 4th and late morning of August 6th.
If you have any additional questions, please don’t hesitate to contact me.
---Two days ago, I had the first of three "Trasngender Understanding" panels at work. My first goal with these meetings is to educate the company on what exactly it means to be transgendered. My second is to come out as transgendered myself, and let people know a bit more about why I am doing what I am doing and what they can expect to happen. All in all, I'm really happy with the way things turned out.
Unfortunately for me, the forum was at 3:00, so I had a lot of time to anticipate it. I started out the day mildly distracted and attempted to focus on my job and not think about it, but it started to hit home after lunch. As 3:00 came and I started to see manager after manager walking toward the conference room, my nerves were working overtime. I asked someone if there were a lot of people in there, and was told that they took the divider down between our two largest conference rooms to fit roughly 60 people inside.
There were a few instances where I sat down and tried to figure out/write down what I would say when it was my turn to speak, but for the most part I figured I would wing it. History has taught me - and this blog likely proves it - that I have no trouble finding stuff to talk about in regards to my transition, and so it didn't seem necesary to me to go in with much. Somewhere around 3:30 (minutes before I was scheduled to speak), I decided to keep it quick, and to just take people chronologically through my gender identity.
Eventually, Cathi introduced me (as "Michelle") and I entered the room, and people started applauding. With the exception of two wedding speeches and a year-plus-long stint working at a laser-tag arena (where I'd teach groups of people to play), I've never really public spoken in my life. I tried to focus on the fact that I knew for a fact that there would be supportive people in the room, and that I have known and grown to like a lot of them over the last two years. I entered the room and the crowd started applauding - somewhat illogically, it good job of relaxing me and making me nervous at the same time.
I think I kept it brief? I know for a fact that I was nervous to the point of sweating while I was speaking - I'm pretty sure that I just said "oh hey, I'm super-nervous right now" so that would be right out on the table. To be honest, I don't really remember what I said! I definitely want to record either Monday or Wednesday, so that I can actually see what one of these meetings looks like from an audience point of view. I answered some questions - there weren't too too many, but I just take that to mean that Denise and Cathi did their jobs well.
I talked with a few coworkers after the meeting, all of whom had positive things to say. To anyone from work reading this blog - it means alot! I have total faith that my transition will go over relatively smoothly, and so far there hasn't been anything to really dissuade me.
The next two meetings are Monday and Wednesday. Unlike the one I did already, these will be open to the entire company. I don't know if I'm expecting more or less people, but I do think that I'm more prepared simply because I've done once before now. At some point I decided that I will be taking Labor Day week (Aug. 30 - Sept. 5) off, using that time to both move (apartments) and to organize myself from a "legal documents" standpoint - when I come back to work, I will be presenting female full-time. I anticipate one awkward week where people (including myself, most of all) get used to the change, and then a slide back into normalcy.
As a note to end the post - It blows my mind that I will soon be a legal female. Like, once I do the stuff in the paragraph above...that's it for a long time. I will be living as a woman 100% of the time. The only real steps left at that point are (a) save for surgeries, which, yes, I do want, and (b) get used to living the life I've always wanted but never expected to have. I still have an idea in my head of moving somewhere outside of New Engalnd and starting over, but I now I feel I have a couple years up here left in me, thanks to the overwhelming support of the people around me on a day to day/year to year basis. Thanks as always!
First post!
My name is Michelle, and I am a 27-year-old living on my own near Boston. I fix computers for a living and enjoy helping others. I enjoy reality television, the Boston Red Sox, the band Phish, games of all sorts, and spending time with friends and friendly people. I consider myself an optimist, hate conflict, and have been told that I'm more of an idealist than a realist. I can be overly critical on myself and oversensitive at times. I am (gasp!) attracted to people of both genders. Most people tell me that I'm somewhat unique, and I admit that I am sometimes ruled by quirky behaviors. Also of note: I am a pre-operative male-to-female (MtF) transgendered woman, who is at the beginning stages of her transition.
I have been a (decreasingly-) faithful blogger for the last six years, and have found myself recording less and less of my thoughts as the last few months have passed. Why am I attempting to restart something that I had clearly lost passion for?
1. It wasn't until May of this year, when I started therapy and came out to my family, that I was ever really comfortable admitting and talking about my transexuality to other people. Frankly, I still find it tough to bring up in conversation with others, so in addition to storing my thoughts, I'm hoping that I can use this journal as a medium with which to open myself to others. I believe that blogs are convenient because I am forcing no one to read anything: I have always had a fear that people don't want to hear about this stuff - as anyone that exchanges emails with me can attest, I tend to write a lot at once, and so now it is completely up to people if they want to read this or not.
2. In the last couple of months, I have been slipping into a really dangerous behavior pattern characterized by laziness and procrastination. I have spent a lot of time sitting around, spending afternoons lazing about/playing games/watching TV and not accomplishing anything. The fact is, by coming out as transgendered and allowing myself to 'be' Michelle, I am now free to express emotions that I've spent my entire life trying to hide. Through the act of recording these feelings, I feel that I am creating something that I will look back at years from now and be glad that I did.
3. It's not easy to truly be thought of as a female when you're still stuck in a male's body. It is going to be a few months before I can start hormones, and I am still painfully aware that most people that I come into contact with mentally file me in the 'male' section when they think of me. I am hoping that if I can be completely open with my thoughts and no longer hide how I feel, that people will have an easier time seeing me the way that I would like to be seen.
To the people reading this: if you have any questions that you would like me to field about myself, you're more than welcome to! If you are going to comment, all I ask is that you keep it semi-mature (since my family, parents, selected co-workers, and therapist will all be reading this), and to please keep references to my male self (including my given name, as I don't want this associated with it, and I don't want it associated with this) off of this journal.
The one rule that I'm trying to impose on myself is to update this semi-regularly, and to not feel like I need to write too much on any one given entry. As such, that is the end of the first post in this journal, and I trust there will be plenty more where this came from.
